I am allowed to vent right? It is my blog! My little corner.. a place I can let my hair down.. and perhaps get an ear..
I have recently realized that no matter how much you try at relationships with friends and family, that if someone doesn't like you.. then they don't. You can't force people. No matter if your slate is clean or not.
When you try and work things out.. confrontations ect.. even with proof of wrong doing people can still actually believe their own "truth" or "perspective". It is amazing to me how blinded people are by themselves.
My husband and I always joke that when you argue with someone that you really are just wrapped up in an ugly unfortunate game of Ping Pong. "You did this to me" "No you did that to me" "well what you did was worse" back and forth and back and forth.
I truly believe when it comes to family.. that you should do what it takes to get things resolved. That family relationships in any form are one of the most precious things in life. But recently I have realized there comes a time when you just have to stop trying. You can beg for respect and yet none is given.
I always feel like.. I may not like what you are doing.. but I will respect you as a person. I won't treat you unkindly. If you encroach upon my family with your vindictiveness or disrespect..well then you cross the line.
My husband recently told me that I need to just stop trying to hard to make everyone get along. That is hard for me. My personality is to try and work things out.. to keep contacting people to get them to see how it is.. No one likes being talked about.. no one likes being "hated".
It's difficult to hide things from your kids..especially when it's family that does these things. My kids are young.. but one is at the age of curiosity and "why mom why" It won't be long before he wants to know why he doesn't have certain family relationships. I dread that day because I don't want to have to give him negative answers. But the day will come when the truth is what I will give.
People often lash out.. when they are overcome with guilt, bitterness, and pride. Isn't bitterness amazing? Usually starts off by anger.. then if that anger is fanned and nurtured.. bitterness is born... Have you seen people whose face just wreaks of bitterness? I have many times. It's very sad. The lines around their mouth.. The tautness of the lips and face. The anger and darkness of the eyes.
When you deal with issues in your life.. talk them out.. get them right.. apologize..whatever you have to do.. there is such a freedom that God gives.. It's so freeing to let go.
I have to forgive.. and will continue to forgive the actions and words of those who mean my family and me harm. Does it mean that I will forget? Probably not. Does it mean that it changes the way we do things? Yah.. It does. You may forgive someone but that doesn't mean you go back to the way things were.. Fool me once shame on you.. Fool me twice Shame on me.. right?
So here I am today.. doing my best to let go.. Shut out the anger, lies, and ridiculous pride. As my husband tells me, what matters is us. My husband and I and our kids. We have a responsibility to love each other and protect each other.
Yah, people will still say things. Layers of lies will still be made.. But I can't do anything about it. I won't allow the stress to come back into my family. So to those who play the martyrdom game to their own off key song.. I have a secret for you... "We don't care anymore. Nothing you say or do anymore matters. Even if our kids are punished for having the wrong last name or we are punished for moving to a different state and having our life.. None of it matters. We are a family that loves each other.. and cares about one another.. and do not take kindly to anyone who disrespects us.. in anyway.. even if you are family. "
God is what matters in my life and my family. He is whom I have to please. God will give us the grace and the peace as He always does.
Ok.. I think I feel better :)
Do you ever find yourself protecting your family from family?